We sat over coffee, and chatted; me gently probing them as to their views on using a satnav to find this remote home, the European Union, the government, taxes, weather, and the emigration policy of the day anything to gain an insight, and to ease the obvious tension pervading the air. Gently I raised the subject of her youth, her up-bringing, talked about parents, life as a c***d, her first sexual encounters; masturbation and her feelings at the time. Most of the detail she had sent me in that first letter, but I had her fill in details, like her boyfriends fathers name, her reaction to the lads indifference at his father even suggesting she has sex, or worse sex with a group of older men, how did she feel about it now, did she still masturbate, and was that in private, did he react, to that, and I asked Toms own take on that as well. The morning was long and by probing very gently, they soon were talking freely about what had gone on in the years they had been together, and some. I loved this man, but not with the same fevered, consuming passion that I had felt for him. My love for my husband was softer and gentler, not like the waves of the pounding sea in which I had almost drown. ‘Yeah, it’s going pretty good.’ I replied, smiling as I thought of him. ‘That’s something I could never do, get married again.’ He went on, ‘It seems that I meet women that are too clingy or use the ‘L’ word way too soon.’ I appraised his words, maybe reading too much into them. He hadn’t changed that much after all. Chewing my straw lost in thought, I wondered which category I had fallen into, clingy or if I had been charged with misuse of the ‘L’ word, or maybe both. ‘Hmmm,’ I replied not knowing what else to say. I could empathize with the women. He was a blessing and a curse, a pleasant dream and an unyielding nightmare. I waited in silence for him to continue. ‘I guess,’ he said with a sigh, ‘I’m not relationship material. I really feel that I am better off alone.’ I felt an.
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